Joshua: Okay, everybody quiet down. It’s time to start this elders meeting.
[Din of talking continues among the seventy elders]
Joshua: Seriously, shut it!
[A beat]
Joshua: Alright, then. So tomorrow
begins our big siege of Jer— . . . Seriously, Jehoiarib? I see you
passing that note. Stop it. Put it down. No, not in front of Tola; put
it . . . You know what? Give it to me. It’s mine now. I keep.
[Note is handed down comically long line
of elders, to Joshua who reads it, frowns with, like, a sort of old-lady
frown if that makes sense, and then crumples it up.]
Joshua: [to Jehoiarib] You know,
just because I’m a super-spy-slash-mighty-warrior who hides in the homes
of high-end prostitutes, escapes out windows, slaughters the enemy, and
is basically the James Bond of the Ancient Near East doesn’t mean I
don’t have feelings, man. Comments like this [slightly hefts crumpled
note] still hurt.
Jehoiarib: [Studying his feet, mumbling] Sorry.
Joshua: So anyway, I’ve gotten the
plan for the attack, direct from Adonai, and it is incredible. He is
obviously going to do something huge and miraculous in our midst!
[General din of anticipation, which sort
of sounds like some people saying “murmur murmur” under their breath
while others say “watermelon, watermelon”, also under their breath]
Joshua: You all know that Jericho
is straitly shut up because of the children of Israel; none go in and
none come out. But God has given the city and their king and their
hardest-core warriors into our hands. Here’s the plan: all the men of
war in Israel will surround the city at once . . .
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